You're Psychopathic

So, this is a blog response to a video that I made called "You're Pyschopathic" If by a small chance, you came across this blog, but yet you haven't seen the video, here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-TJZ-PLhr8&feature=youtu.be

The reason that I'm making this blog response is that in the video, I pretty much was just talking fast and not making sense. So, I thought that I could probably make a more articulate, clear idea on what my thoughts are, and how I'm feeling.

Basically, I've been told that psychologically, what is happening to me is that I am progressing rapidly in intelligence and maturity, but while my intelligence is 95 percentile for my age group, my coping skills are pretty much the same as the average 16 year old. As a result, I "think too much", and I frequently become very sad, depressed, angry, or agitated.

Now for one off topic thing, which I might make a video about: "Maturity". Now, since this is going to be a long paragraph and doesn't pertain too much to the overall message, you may go ahead and skip this paragraph and you should be able to understand the rest of this post. So, I am commonly told that I am in fact not maturing faster, but maturing slower because I have a childish sense of humor and a whole bunch of other bullshit. Another thing that I am told is to "Act my age". So despite me being 95 percentile of my age group in terms of intelligence, and despite me not being an overly hormonal teenager, I am immature? That always pisses me right the fuck off. This is because ignorant statements and assumptions and commands and insults towards me based upon these false assumptions about me, I find them to be a lot more annoying than valid decent criticism. So again, the more flamboyant, childish personality, that results from my ADHD, that is why people often make these assumptions, and with that said, I shouldn't blame them for making these assumptions. The thing is though that when I am told either to "Act your age." or that "You're immature.", I become very defensive and angry. I don't always express it though.

So, here's the thing though, I am autistic, and I don't have very good social skills. I'd say that along with my ADHD, I also have Aspergers, as well as a speech impediment. As a result, I don't have many friends. What especially troubles me is that I don't have a girlfriend. When I see people who are unintelligent, and are total jerks, but have good social skills, and as a result, they have lots of friends and potentially a girlfriend, I get really jealous. I feel that they don't deserve the friends as much when they don't care about anyone including the girlfriend.

I think I see a lot of these kind of people at my school. That is, people who have good social skills and lots of friends, but are not in any way good people. I think the reason is simply because, some people develop different things at different rates. I myself will not develop any more socially, and I will have to learn new social skills. In fact mentally, I may only develop in terms of judgement, and stuff that usually develop in a male's 20s.

So, what I do differently: I try to be nice to people, I try to help people who potentially are depressed like me, and try to help people feel more appreciated and loved. But, it seems though that no one really seems to have these kind of problems. That, and my kind of efforts to be a good person kind of go unrecognized, simply because I am impatient and I lack good social skills.

So, I guess before I conclude, I should go on to the topic of the girlfriend. So, I often feel really sad, and lonely and stuff. And considerable evidence suggests that not having a girlfriend is a huge factor. So in other words, I want a girlfriend because of the aspect of mutual exchange of emotions and stuff. It's hard to put into words what it is that I look for in a girl and the things I feel. And also, my overall sex drive while it was once rather high, is now almost completely tamed.

So, that concludes this post. Also, for people who kind of can relate to the things I said, my Skype name is reznov.rulz if you need someone to talk to. However, you probably won't get to talk to me unless you message me on YouTube first. I'm not always on Skype.

Update

So, I guess I didn't really focus much on the topic. The topic being psychopathy existing in the average person. So, what I think is that a lot of people these days logically are psychopaths. They don't so much try to understand other people by anticipating the other persons emotions based upon prior knowledge and relativity to self, but they more act upon people based upon observed external actions of other people and the mannerisms and the 'body language' of other people and all that bull shit.

The way I see it, most people don't see others as people, they see them as objects who can manipulate their emotions. Well, I suppose that's not how most people see it and interpret themselves, because to be fair, the average person can't analyze fucking shit, but that's the way I observe them acting and my point of view on it. I don't always however dislike these kinds of people. And these people can change.